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Ruby
Created on 2009-10-08 21:00:12 (#23334009), last updated 2009-12-15
2 comments received, 239 comments posted
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1 Journal Entry, 16 Tags, 0 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 1 Userpic
Basic Info| Name: | rubytuesday6 |
|---|
Biookay so am kinda new to this kinda stuff.. this is my first entry. i decided to create an online journal because there are things am goin through now that i feel like i jst cant share with anyone i knw bc my parents wont understand and my frnds myt judge...
mainly my posts are gonna be abt dieting and stuff. here's the story. i started dieting only about four months ago but things are just going different than i planned. i am very confused i dont understand what is going on anymore! it is more than just a diet now.. it is my life! my main goal! and i think about it all day! so far i have lost 30 pound only. but i keep gaining weight and losing again. i think it is hard to explain how my dieting works but i will try lol =P first i diet very well for like a week or two and i eat like 100-300 calories a day. but then suddenly when i eat one little piece of chocolate i feel like i have betrayed myself and done something very bad and dirtied my body which i was keeping good for a long time! so i start eating EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! i even go to the supermarket to buy things to eat more and i cook cakes and i drink lot of milk and all the stuff i wanted to eat in those two weeks.. then when i cant eat any more piece of food, i feel horrible, terrible, dirty, fat, weak, embarrassed, sad, guilty, ugly, worthless and any other negative feeling you can think about. i start crying and i just dont want the food in my stomache but it is too late! then i cut myself so that next time i dont eat too much again(which doesnt work of course!). then the next few days i eat very little and excercise a lot... then after few days the same thing happens!! i dont know if you believe me!! ITS CRAZY!! I FEEL CRAZY!!
anyway so i created this online journal so that i can talk to anyone because it is KILLING me going through all this and cant tell NOONE about it! so i think i can talk about what is really going on since nobody knows me here :)
XX
mainly my posts are gonna be abt dieting and stuff. here's the story. i started dieting only about four months ago but things are just going different than i planned. i am very confused i dont understand what is going on anymore! it is more than just a diet now.. it is my life! my main goal! and i think about it all day! so far i have lost 30 pound only. but i keep gaining weight and losing again. i think it is hard to explain how my dieting works but i will try lol =P first i diet very well for like a week or two and i eat like 100-300 calories a day. but then suddenly when i eat one little piece of chocolate i feel like i have betrayed myself and done something very bad and dirtied my body which i was keeping good for a long time! so i start eating EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! i even go to the supermarket to buy things to eat more and i cook cakes and i drink lot of milk and all the stuff i wanted to eat in those two weeks.. then when i cant eat any more piece of food, i feel horrible, terrible, dirty, fat, weak, embarrassed, sad, guilty, ugly, worthless and any other negative feeling you can think about. i start crying and i just dont want the food in my stomache but it is too late! then i cut myself so that next time i dont eat too much again(which doesnt work of course!). then the next few days i eat very little and excercise a lot... then after few days the same thing happens!! i dont know if you believe me!! ITS CRAZY!! I FEEL CRAZY!!
anyway so i created this online journal so that i can talk to anyone because it is KILLING me going through all this and cant tell NOONE about it! so i think i can talk about what is really going on since nobody knows me here :)
XX
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